“I was going through severe depression…I decided at this point it was time for me to take my own life and I tried to buy a gun”
England rugby star Danny Cipriani has revealed he tried to buy a gun to kill himself as he released a video to speak out on mental health in the wake of his ex-girlfriend Caroline Flack’s death.
In an emotional 18-minute speech posted on his Instagram account, the 32-year-old opened up about his own struggles in an attempt to force change in society, he says.
Cipriani said he had been talking to Flack regularly in the past three to four months, and that she had tried to call him and text him on Friday night in the hours before she killed herself.
He was unable to take the call or respond to the text because he was playing for Gloucester against Exeter in the Gallagher Premiership.
The pair had dated historically, and Cipriani said he shared everything with Flack “because she made me feel safe”.
He said “it was ultimately embarrassment and shame that killed her”, which is why he decided to speak out.
In the video, Cipriani said when he was 22 he was going through “severe depression”, and it was at this point he said he wanted to kill himself.
He said: “I met a guy who was at a nightclub, he ended up being around.
“I knew he was a bad man, was in the scene, trying to make his way in whatever he was doing.
“I decided at this point it was time for me to take my own life and I tried to buy a gun from him. And I pulled out. Then I tried to buy it again, but I pulled out.
“This went on for two months.
“I couldn’t do it. Because I had some fight in me.”
Cipriani held back tears as he urged everyone to “be kind” and come together.
The rugby star opens his video by saying: “I have to tell this story. I’ve rehearsed this so much in my mind.
“Someone that I loved as a person really dearly and someone I was very close to has decided to take her own life as everyone knows.
“I’ve been speaking to her for the past three or four months and we’ve always been in contact since we were together, since we weren’t.
“It’s always been a loving friendship.
“I was so vulnerable with her when in my moments when we first me and I told her everything about me, because I felt safe with her.
“I told her all the things I was embarrassed and shameful about. She made me feel ok. And ultimately it was embarrassment and shame that killed her.
“So I’m telling everyone now what my most embarrassing and shameful moments are, because I know that she knew I had the strength to do this.”